I have so much I want to write, but so little time, because I have to do my run soon.
I just started running last week because I finally got my PROM dress, and it's so beautiful, but if I don't keep in shape for the next two and a half weeks, I might not be able to fit into it. And because it is so "slimming" in a sense, I can't really have a bulge, or you will see it. This is my first (and probably only, since I'm homeschooled) prom that I will get to go to, but I am okay with that. My boyfriend is a senior, and it is going to be a really special night for the both of us. Sort of the last night that things will be the way they are right now, because that is never going to come back.
We were talking about that last night, how after he graduates, things are going to be so much different. He will be going off to camp, I wont be, which is the first hard obstacle. He's going to be there, and I will be here, and not even just for the summer, but he is going to be living there for the rest of the year/however long God wants to keep him there, and it's not that he is just my boyfriend, he is my best friend, so imagine having your best friend living three and a half hours away, with possibly no car, and not a lot of vacation. Of course it's not like I see alot of him right now, because I don't, but, while he is there, I probably will be seeing even less of him, as well as talk.
But that's not the only thing "freaking" me out. He is going to be in college, and I am still going to be in high school. MY senior year. Which, of course, I have been looking foward to for twelve years, but also, at the same time, I am very scared. I have to start applying to schools, then pick one, and get all of that stuff done. But before I even get to do that, I have to get my portfolio ready.
Because I want to be a photographer, all the art schools that I am applying to require you to submit a portfolio, and some of the more prestigious schools I would like to apply to, require some things in those portfolios that I don't know how to do. So over the summer I will have to work on/learn how to do those things, which is nerve-wracking because my future depends on weather I can get these things or not!
But through all of this somehow I am still hearing really great things from God, in really weird places and times though, which sometimes amuses me, but I think that is His point, that I shouldn't be stressed out, I should just be trusting Him and going with what He wants for me, so I guess we will have to see what that is!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Love never gives up, never loses faith
I haven’t posted in a little over a week now, even though I said that I was going to work on doing it more often, I also said that I was going to spend more time with the Lord, but am still working on that too. Yesterday I had something happen that helped me realize why He is so amazing, and why I need and want to spend more time with him.
My boyfriend came to visit on Wednesday, the first time that I had seen him since New Year’s Day. We had an amazing day; filled with a picnic, friends, and sunburns from laying out in the sun all day. I had been planning that day for about a month, and then all of a sudden it was over just like it had started. Thursday morning I was a wreck, he had been here for such a short time, and I didn’t know what to do now that it was over. So I did the thing that most seventeen year old girls did, I went to my room and cried. But after thinking for a while, I realized that crying never actually solves everything, but He does. So, I got off my bed, went and got my Bible, and talked to my “Dad” for a while. I just asked Him what to do, and how I was going to get through this. Because I knew there was a reason that he lived so far away, but I needed a little encouragement. This is what He showed me;
1 Corinthians 13:7
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I knew right away that everything was going to be okay. I got that feeling that He was with me, and in control.
I’m hoping that yesterday will start to sink into my head and I will be back to spending more time with my Heavenly Father, please pray for me, I think I’m going to need it.
This is such a short post for me, I’m not sure, but I have this feeling that the next one will be longer.
My boyfriend came to visit on Wednesday, the first time that I had seen him since New Year’s Day. We had an amazing day; filled with a picnic, friends, and sunburns from laying out in the sun all day. I had been planning that day for about a month, and then all of a sudden it was over just like it had started. Thursday morning I was a wreck, he had been here for such a short time, and I didn’t know what to do now that it was over. So I did the thing that most seventeen year old girls did, I went to my room and cried. But after thinking for a while, I realized that crying never actually solves everything, but He does. So, I got off my bed, went and got my Bible, and talked to my “Dad” for a while. I just asked Him what to do, and how I was going to get through this. Because I knew there was a reason that he lived so far away, but I needed a little encouragement. This is what He showed me;
1 Corinthians 13:7
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I knew right away that everything was going to be okay. I got that feeling that He was with me, and in control.
I’m hoping that yesterday will start to sink into my head and I will be back to spending more time with my Heavenly Father, please pray for me, I think I’m going to need it.
This is such a short post for me, I’m not sure, but I have this feeling that the next one will be longer.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Do Over; Don'tcha want one?
Today is Easter, probably the most important day of the year for most believers.
There are so many things that it means to the world. The fact that Jesus came to save us; born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life, but then gave His life for everyone (yes, everyone), and then rose again to show that we would (and can if we take it) have eternal life.
That’s pretty cool to me honestly, and I can’t understand how anyone could not want to take that. It took me a while (about 14 years) to fully understand that this is what everyone needed before I would take it, and I still don’t even know why I didn’t want that. I will never understand. A lot of this “stuff” is what we talked about today in church, though there was something else, two words, my pastor kept saying over and over that really struck me.
Do Over.
That’s really what he gave us. He gave us a chance to have a “do over”. Whenever we need one; because, let’s face it; we need a lot of “do over’s” in life. That’s what I realized that I needed this morning, a do over.
I woke up this morning with a fire inside that I haven’t felt in a while, I didn’t know exactly why, and still don’t, but it felt really good. I got up at about seven (pretty early for a Sunday I guess), made my coffee, and went outside to do my devotions. When I went to go and write in my journal (which I usually do when I really want to have a big discussion with Him), I realized that I hadn’t written in it in about almost a whole month, and the whole last entry was about how I needed to spend more time with Him. Well, we can see THAT didn’t happen.
I don’t even know why, and it really upsets me. It upsets me even more that in my last blog (which was written over a month ago) I said that I would be writing more and more often than I already did, and THAT didn’t happen either. And while I took these long “breaks” from REALLY communicating with God, a lot of things happened in my life, and not great things at that. My cat died, my great grandma died, I didn’t get re-hired at camp for this summer, my basement flooded. Those are just a few things, and all along I did ask God what this was for, what he wanted me to see. Now it’s obvious that he wanted me to spend more time with Him. I was trusting Him, and still running to Him, but I wasn’t trying to keep our relationship a two way street, it was more like a one way because the other lane had an accident blocking traffic from flowing correctly.
So today I’m taking a do over. Because I know that he will give it to me, He doesn’t care what I’ve done, because it’s in the past. And the only thing that matters to him is the present, and that I do my best to shine for Him, and that’s what He needed me to see. I don’t have the greatest past, but He doesn’t care about that because I am forever changed. Today my boyfriend approached me about how he wants to write a book, a book on purity and love from a teen male’s perspective, and how he wants me to help him with it, and maybe even put some input into it. The topic of purity has always been a “pressure point” for me, so to speak, because I haven’t been one of the purist of Christians that you could meet. But that has changed, and I am working to make myself better in this area, and today in church I realized that was what I wanted my “do over” to be about. To do what He has commanded, but to also use my “experiences” to help other people, and that was what He had for me when I got home, a chance to help myself, and other people. A chance for a do over. A chance to show people that there is another way, a truth, a light. And he died for us so we can HAVE that way.
What did I tell you? Easter has a lot of meanings.
Happy Easter, he is risen.
There are so many things that it means to the world. The fact that Jesus came to save us; born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life, but then gave His life for everyone (yes, everyone), and then rose again to show that we would (and can if we take it) have eternal life.
That’s pretty cool to me honestly, and I can’t understand how anyone could not want to take that. It took me a while (about 14 years) to fully understand that this is what everyone needed before I would take it, and I still don’t even know why I didn’t want that. I will never understand. A lot of this “stuff” is what we talked about today in church, though there was something else, two words, my pastor kept saying over and over that really struck me.
Do Over.
That’s really what he gave us. He gave us a chance to have a “do over”. Whenever we need one; because, let’s face it; we need a lot of “do over’s” in life. That’s what I realized that I needed this morning, a do over.
I woke up this morning with a fire inside that I haven’t felt in a while, I didn’t know exactly why, and still don’t, but it felt really good. I got up at about seven (pretty early for a Sunday I guess), made my coffee, and went outside to do my devotions. When I went to go and write in my journal (which I usually do when I really want to have a big discussion with Him), I realized that I hadn’t written in it in about almost a whole month, and the whole last entry was about how I needed to spend more time with Him. Well, we can see THAT didn’t happen.
I don’t even know why, and it really upsets me. It upsets me even more that in my last blog (which was written over a month ago) I said that I would be writing more and more often than I already did, and THAT didn’t happen either. And while I took these long “breaks” from REALLY communicating with God, a lot of things happened in my life, and not great things at that. My cat died, my great grandma died, I didn’t get re-hired at camp for this summer, my basement flooded. Those are just a few things, and all along I did ask God what this was for, what he wanted me to see. Now it’s obvious that he wanted me to spend more time with Him. I was trusting Him, and still running to Him, but I wasn’t trying to keep our relationship a two way street, it was more like a one way because the other lane had an accident blocking traffic from flowing correctly.
So today I’m taking a do over. Because I know that he will give it to me, He doesn’t care what I’ve done, because it’s in the past. And the only thing that matters to him is the present, and that I do my best to shine for Him, and that’s what He needed me to see. I don’t have the greatest past, but He doesn’t care about that because I am forever changed. Today my boyfriend approached me about how he wants to write a book, a book on purity and love from a teen male’s perspective, and how he wants me to help him with it, and maybe even put some input into it. The topic of purity has always been a “pressure point” for me, so to speak, because I haven’t been one of the purist of Christians that you could meet. But that has changed, and I am working to make myself better in this area, and today in church I realized that was what I wanted my “do over” to be about. To do what He has commanded, but to also use my “experiences” to help other people, and that was what He had for me when I got home, a chance to help myself, and other people. A chance for a do over. A chance to show people that there is another way, a truth, a light. And he died for us so we can HAVE that way.
What did I tell you? Easter has a lot of meanings.
Happy Easter, he is risen.
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