My last post was kind of depressing in a way, but not at the same time. And I’m not really sure as to why that was.
So anyway, this past weekend I went “home” to Camp Berea (yay!) and I have to say that it was a lot more than I expected it to be. I worked from when I got there until 7 on Saturday night, going to as many chapel sessions as I could in between, because I did have this pull the whole time I was there, that something was supposed to happen, though I had no idea what it was!
I wasn’t working until 10:30 on Saturday morning, so I got up early and did my devos when everything was still quite, and everyone else in my cabin had to work (sorry girls). One thing that God has really been putting on my heart was my friend Lindsay, who is a lot like me in many ways. And she (to everyone’s surprise, though was apparently forced by her parents to come) came this weekend! And even just that made me so excited, because I knew, that even if she didn’t come back to Christ, SOMEthing would stir in her. And stir it did.
Saturday night came, and it was such an amazing night. I don’t think I have ever been so tired in my life, though somehow God kept me awake for the whole service and showed me wonderful things. Somehow, during the songs played by none other than the Mark White Band, the words finally sunk into my brain, and I finally realized how truly AMAZING God is! I remember just thinking “WHY did it take me this long to understand?!”, and I just broke down because of how HAPPY I was that I was his, and that I had finally made this connection!
Now the speaker, whose name was Jason Ostrander, was amazing. Very straight to the point, no completely pointless stories that went nowhere, or was the only thing that you really remembered. And that was so great. And he wasn’t all fluffy being like “if you except Christ, you’re life is going to be amazing”, no he explained how, people are going to hate you. The Enemy is going to try and attack you, that it’s NOT easy, but he went about in a way that spoke to so many people. Now, not too many people actually excepted Christ that night, but about 200 hundred came back to him. Including Lindsay! When I saw her stand up, I couldn’t help it, but I just started balling my eyes out. I went over to where she was sitting and gave her the biggest hug I could and through the tears I just said “I’ve been praying so hard for you!” it was such an amazing moment, and I truly realized how GREAT God really is.
This isn’t really a normal post for me, more just like an update. But I really just wanted to share that story with people, because I find it truly amazing. When I got home (yesterday) my mom challenged me to join the Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC in reading the New Testament in 30 days. At first I was like “uhh, hm.” But then I thought about it, and I got really excited because I thought back to what I had learned this weekend. And today I started reading, and so far I can’t get enough! I’m probably going to finish in less than 30 days! Somehow God is just opening my eyes to him in ways I never expected, nor thought I truly needed, turns out, you can never learn too much from Him. So I leave you with this; lyrics to one of the songs that the Mark White Band played this weekend that I have sung a million times, though somehow it finally helped me realize how Awesome God is.
How He Loves, by John Mark McMillan
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Life; does it really matter?
On Sunday I was driving to a restaurant after church, doing what I always do on longish car rides (over 20 minutes), listening to my mp3 player. I was listening to a new playlist that I had just made the night before, filled with “new” songs that I had just downloaded. And as I listened to them, I started to realize a pattern; they were all about living life like it was your last day, or living it without regrets. And this struck me, because that was kind of like what my pastor was talking about in church about forty five minutes before hand, except what he was saying was a little different.
What Pastor Neal was saying it this; we do a lot of things in this life, some good, some bad, but is it all really going to matter in an eternal life?
Basically this is what I got from it; we have freedom of choice in this life, to either follow God, or to not. That is really the only thing that matters in this and the next life. Not living your life to the fullest, not accomplishing “your” dreams, not any of that. The only things that matter are fulfilling God’s plan for you, and accepting Him as your Lord and Savior! Those are the only things that are going to carry on into this next life that, if we so choose, to accept! So my question is this; why do we always think that we have to have the best life? This isn’t a competition here. And when we get to Heaven, it’s not even going to matter anyway. I mean sure it is exciting to do things that we have always wanted to try and whatnot, and there is NOTHING wrong with that, but I think people make too big a deal of it; like in all of those ghost stories of about how they didn’t move on because they had “unfinished business”. That’s not going to happen. God has a plan for everyone, and everyone is going to die when he plans, and everyone is going to do what he plans. And supposedly people know that, but what I will never understand is why people still think that if they do this one thing, their life will be “complete”. If they have Jesus, their life is ALREADY complete, and anyway, that’s the only thing that’s going to matter later right?
What Pastor Neal was saying it this; we do a lot of things in this life, some good, some bad, but is it all really going to matter in an eternal life?
Basically this is what I got from it; we have freedom of choice in this life, to either follow God, or to not. That is really the only thing that matters in this and the next life. Not living your life to the fullest, not accomplishing “your” dreams, not any of that. The only things that matter are fulfilling God’s plan for you, and accepting Him as your Lord and Savior! Those are the only things that are going to carry on into this next life that, if we so choose, to accept! So my question is this; why do we always think that we have to have the best life? This isn’t a competition here. And when we get to Heaven, it’s not even going to matter anyway. I mean sure it is exciting to do things that we have always wanted to try and whatnot, and there is NOTHING wrong with that, but I think people make too big a deal of it; like in all of those ghost stories of about how they didn’t move on because they had “unfinished business”. That’s not going to happen. God has a plan for everyone, and everyone is going to die when he plans, and everyone is going to do what he plans. And supposedly people know that, but what I will never understand is why people still think that if they do this one thing, their life will be “complete”. If they have Jesus, their life is ALREADY complete, and anyway, that’s the only thing that’s going to matter later right?
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Drama; need I say more?
Drama.
The one word in the English dictionary that I can honestly say drive me crazy, I mean, who doesn’t it drive crazy? Who in their right mind honestly say that they enjoy drama (well, I mean if they are involved. We live in a sad society where we enjoy watching other people fight). I do enjoy a good soap opera, I have to admit that my favorite show is One Tree Hill, but my least favorite thing in the world to deal with is DRAMA. And dramatic PEOPLE. And man, I have A LOT of those in my life. And I don’t even go to school! Goes to show that it follows you everywhere…
This past week has been filled with drama for me, I think I am safe to say that it has been the worst that I have ever had to deal with, the sad thing is, it was about nothing. Everything was a “joke” so to say, most of the thing being spread around were made up, fake, never even said or even happened. See what people do for fun? They like to hurt other people, just from “misunderstandings” or faults of their own. I mean come on, if you really like someone (and they want to date you), don’t go around telling their friends you don’t like them, and expect them not to find out. And when they do, are you seriously going to get mad at the one who told them? That’s completely your own fault here. But I have found that people do things like this all the time. And then they do their best to tear that person limb from limb in whatever way possible, usually by words.
I was called a lot of nasty things this week and at one point I was told that I had to fight some girl! At first I was like “whatever”, and then I was pissed, and then confused, sad, painfully hurt, and now I’m just coming to realize that I really just don’t actually care! What they were saying isn’t true, and I know it, so if they want to say those things, and I know they aren’t true, why should I care? Jesus taught us to love each other no matter what they say or do to us, and to turn the other cheek. And that is what I am going to do. But I am also learning not to get into other people’s business anymore. If they are going to talk about their personal life in ways I don’t really feel comfortable hearing about, I am going to tell them, and walk away. I mean I don’t really tell people stuff about my boyfriend and I, so why should I listen to other people talk about theirs? I am starting to realize I wish I had figured out this a long time ago; you can’t care what the world thinks about you, it’s only going to bring you down, no matter what it is, it is going to bring you down into places that you will never get out of without the help if Him
So last night I was telling my stories of the week to one of my best friends in the whole world and she gave me these verses to read and told me that I should listen to the truth. And she is right these verses are perfect;
“Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (The Message)
"If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you.” John 15:18-19 (The Message)
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
I like The Message version of the first two verses because it is very straightforward, and powerful. When I first read these versions I felt so much stronger and ready to face the world and the people in it and say “You can say what you want, but my God still loves me, and that is that.” But I like the more formal NIV version of Psalm 139:13-14 because I feel like it shows more love towards God, showing how grateful we are towards him for making us the way we are; in His image.
So I know there are people out there that have this everyday struggle to conform to the world, I know I do. When people are creating drama just remember this; “it doesn’t deal with you, we are not supposed to indulge in this type of behavior, and no matter what, you will always get hurt”. So just leave it be, and remember, the world hated Him first, that’s why it hates you. You will always be hated, get used to it! :)
The one word in the English dictionary that I can honestly say drive me crazy, I mean, who doesn’t it drive crazy? Who in their right mind honestly say that they enjoy drama (well, I mean if they are involved. We live in a sad society where we enjoy watching other people fight). I do enjoy a good soap opera, I have to admit that my favorite show is One Tree Hill, but my least favorite thing in the world to deal with is DRAMA. And dramatic PEOPLE. And man, I have A LOT of those in my life. And I don’t even go to school! Goes to show that it follows you everywhere…
This past week has been filled with drama for me, I think I am safe to say that it has been the worst that I have ever had to deal with, the sad thing is, it was about nothing. Everything was a “joke” so to say, most of the thing being spread around were made up, fake, never even said or even happened. See what people do for fun? They like to hurt other people, just from “misunderstandings” or faults of their own. I mean come on, if you really like someone (and they want to date you), don’t go around telling their friends you don’t like them, and expect them not to find out. And when they do, are you seriously going to get mad at the one who told them? That’s completely your own fault here. But I have found that people do things like this all the time. And then they do their best to tear that person limb from limb in whatever way possible, usually by words.
I was called a lot of nasty things this week and at one point I was told that I had to fight some girl! At first I was like “whatever”, and then I was pissed, and then confused, sad, painfully hurt, and now I’m just coming to realize that I really just don’t actually care! What they were saying isn’t true, and I know it, so if they want to say those things, and I know they aren’t true, why should I care? Jesus taught us to love each other no matter what they say or do to us, and to turn the other cheek. And that is what I am going to do. But I am also learning not to get into other people’s business anymore. If they are going to talk about their personal life in ways I don’t really feel comfortable hearing about, I am going to tell them, and walk away. I mean I don’t really tell people stuff about my boyfriend and I, so why should I listen to other people talk about theirs? I am starting to realize I wish I had figured out this a long time ago; you can’t care what the world thinks about you, it’s only going to bring you down, no matter what it is, it is going to bring you down into places that you will never get out of without the help if Him
So last night I was telling my stories of the week to one of my best friends in the whole world and she gave me these verses to read and told me that I should listen to the truth. And she is right these verses are perfect;
“Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (The Message)
"If you find the godless world is hating you, remember it got its start hating me. If you lived on the world's terms, the world would love you as one of its own. But since I picked you to live on God's terms and no longer on the world's terms, the world is going to hate you.” John 15:18-19 (The Message)
“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
I like The Message version of the first two verses because it is very straightforward, and powerful. When I first read these versions I felt so much stronger and ready to face the world and the people in it and say “You can say what you want, but my God still loves me, and that is that.” But I like the more formal NIV version of Psalm 139:13-14 because I feel like it shows more love towards God, showing how grateful we are towards him for making us the way we are; in His image.
So I know there are people out there that have this everyday struggle to conform to the world, I know I do. When people are creating drama just remember this; “it doesn’t deal with you, we are not supposed to indulge in this type of behavior, and no matter what, you will always get hurt”. So just leave it be, and remember, the world hated Him first, that’s why it hates you. You will always be hated, get used to it! :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Woman Porn; a reality check?
So I’ve used all my strength not to write about this topic, but I don’t believe that I can do it anymore. I feel like writing is going to make me sound like a hypocrite, and that’s one things I am not okay with being, but aren’t we all a bit hypocritical at some point in our lives? I believe so, so that is why I am writing this.
Last night I was listening to one of my favorite songs of all time; Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Now some may argue, but I believe that is a truly beautiful song. The song is the perspective of a person so madly in love with another, that they would do anything for that one person, even die. They are desperate for them; they need them to survive, and they can do whatever they would like to them, as long as they stay. (Just a little side note, I am reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, and I feel like this song has very close similarities to what they say about God and his relationship with us, now you know what my next post will be about). Before I continue, here are the lyrics;
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
‘Cause you're my, you're my, true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
‘Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Now, I kind of have forgotten what I wanted to talk about, because I feel sad. Sad because this is what we do to ourselves; I feel that people (mainly women I suppose) write these kinds of songs, and listen to them over and over, desperate to create a fantasy of some sort that will fill the “emptiness” in their heart. In a previous post I called it “woman porn” and it saddens me, but that is exactly what it is. The create a fairytale land inside their head, thinking that one day this will happen to them, that someone will come and sweep them off their feet in this EXACT way, and everything will happen like “this”, and then when it doesn’t happen, they are left disappointed with whatever wonderful thing that they are given. This saddens me greatly, and I’m not going to say I have never done this, but I mourn for everyone that has, because will they ever truly be happy? Think of all the girls and women who (myself included, though I am happy to say I have never wish for any of it to happen) have read the Twilight Saga. Think of how many girls think that there are men out there like Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. THERE AREN’T. But they make themselves believe that there are! What happens when they realize that many men are pigs, and not perfect? They are left disappointed, right where they left off.
I feel badly, because this is not the happiest post to start the New Year off with, but I needed to get this off my chest and out into the open. I hope that in this new year of 2010, people will come back to reality, though the sad thing is, I know they won’t.
Last night I was listening to one of my favorite songs of all time; Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Now some may argue, but I believe that is a truly beautiful song. The song is the perspective of a person so madly in love with another, that they would do anything for that one person, even die. They are desperate for them; they need them to survive, and they can do whatever they would like to them, as long as they stay. (Just a little side note, I am reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge, and I feel like this song has very close similarities to what they say about God and his relationship with us, now you know what my next post will be about). Before I continue, here are the lyrics;
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
‘Cause you're my, you're my, true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
‘Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Now, I kind of have forgotten what I wanted to talk about, because I feel sad. Sad because this is what we do to ourselves; I feel that people (mainly women I suppose) write these kinds of songs, and listen to them over and over, desperate to create a fantasy of some sort that will fill the “emptiness” in their heart. In a previous post I called it “woman porn” and it saddens me, but that is exactly what it is. The create a fairytale land inside their head, thinking that one day this will happen to them, that someone will come and sweep them off their feet in this EXACT way, and everything will happen like “this”, and then when it doesn’t happen, they are left disappointed with whatever wonderful thing that they are given. This saddens me greatly, and I’m not going to say I have never done this, but I mourn for everyone that has, because will they ever truly be happy? Think of all the girls and women who (myself included, though I am happy to say I have never wish for any of it to happen) have read the Twilight Saga. Think of how many girls think that there are men out there like Edward Cullen and Jacob Black. THERE AREN’T. But they make themselves believe that there are! What happens when they realize that many men are pigs, and not perfect? They are left disappointed, right where they left off.
I feel badly, because this is not the happiest post to start the New Year off with, but I needed to get this off my chest and out into the open. I hope that in this new year of 2010, people will come back to reality, though the sad thing is, I know they won’t.
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