Sunday, May 1, 2011
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Distractions; some you need to give into
My last post was on May 11th, which is almost about three months ago. It seems so weird because it's not like me at all to go three months with out writing. There has just been so many things going on in my world I guess, that have distracted me from sitting down and just thinking about things, which is what I haven't really realized until this week, when my boyfriend, my best friend, didn't even really know what was going on in each other lives.
Summer can do that to you apparently, though, since I spent the entire summer at camp last year, it seems that I have forgotten what a real summer is. It's kind of boring, but since this is my last real summer of being in high school, it's somewhat of a rush with all the feelings it creates.
There's stress of visiting, picking, applying to colleges, and since I am a photography major, I've been working rigorously on my portfolio to send to colleges.
Excitement, I'm in my first real exhibit tomorrow night in Boston, at the Art Institute of Boston, along with many other talented kids who did their AIR program this summer.
Mixed feelings. There are many adjustments that have had to be made; my boyfriend moving 3 and a half hours away, instead of being a mere hour away. My father, being away all week every week since he took a new job, leaving my mom basically a single parent. Making many life decisions over the past school year, which have left me with nowhere nearly as many friend, which has been extremely hard. I pretty much stay home every day with my mom and sister, and don't really get out much at all, which is a HUGE change from last summer.
Sadness, because I miss all my friends at camp, and also knowing that this is my last full year at home, but not really because this time next year I will be already be packing for college.
Nervousness since I will be leaving home oh so soon.
Happiness, because I will be leaving home so soon.
There have been so many things distracting me this summer, but it doesn't make it acceptable. I'm not just talking about my lack of blogging, more my lack of looking at my life. I honestly have been ignoring all the things beneath all the emotions, including myself. I have just been trying to deal with all these NEW things, that I have been ignoring things that I should have been dealing with before, struggles I have had, and still need to pay attention to.
So, this is more or less, my letter to myself to snap out of it, and come back to reality. You are not the only one going through these things, and many others have gone through it before you.
But you do have the ones that will always be there for you, so look to them, and try not to get distracted anymore.
Summer can do that to you apparently, though, since I spent the entire summer at camp last year, it seems that I have forgotten what a real summer is. It's kind of boring, but since this is my last real summer of being in high school, it's somewhat of a rush with all the feelings it creates.
There's stress of visiting, picking, applying to colleges, and since I am a photography major, I've been working rigorously on my portfolio to send to colleges.
Excitement, I'm in my first real exhibit tomorrow night in Boston, at the Art Institute of Boston, along with many other talented kids who did their AIR program this summer.
Mixed feelings. There are many adjustments that have had to be made; my boyfriend moving 3 and a half hours away, instead of being a mere hour away. My father, being away all week every week since he took a new job, leaving my mom basically a single parent. Making many life decisions over the past school year, which have left me with nowhere nearly as many friend, which has been extremely hard. I pretty much stay home every day with my mom and sister, and don't really get out much at all, which is a HUGE change from last summer.
Sadness, because I miss all my friends at camp, and also knowing that this is my last full year at home, but not really because this time next year I will be already be packing for college.
Nervousness since I will be leaving home oh so soon.
Happiness, because I will be leaving home so soon.
There have been so many things distracting me this summer, but it doesn't make it acceptable. I'm not just talking about my lack of blogging, more my lack of looking at my life. I honestly have been ignoring all the things beneath all the emotions, including myself. I have just been trying to deal with all these NEW things, that I have been ignoring things that I should have been dealing with before, struggles I have had, and still need to pay attention to.
So, this is more or less, my letter to myself to snap out of it, and come back to reality. You are not the only one going through these things, and many others have gone through it before you.
But you do have the ones that will always be there for you, so look to them, and try not to get distracted anymore.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Love; it's unstoppable
My mom and sister are very into country music, I mean, obsessed. I on the other hand, I like it, but I am not like them with this obsession.
One of the reasons I do like country music though is because of the lyrics. Most country stars actually write their own music, unlike most pop stars, it comes from the heart, something that we can all relate to, not any of this “I kissed a girl” crap. They’re stories, that make you play out the song in your head, relate to it. Think of Taylor Swift; I know for a fact there is a group on facebook called “There’s a Taylor Swift song for that…” a lot of teenage girls say that they can relate to her music, that’s because SHE writes her songs about things that happen to all of us, heartbreak, happiness, childbirth, marriage, love, everything.
Now, this isn’t a blog to defend country music and ask people to support it, no, as I said in the beginning, I’m not a obsessed country fan, I’m more of an alternative/indie type girl. No, this blog is about love.
That probably surprised you, not really the direction I started with. Here’s the “answer”. There’s a song by the band Rascal Flatts called Unstoppable, it’s about someone who has “walked the road a little sideways”, but they find love, and realize how it can fix anything, and I truly believe that. Though, there is only one kind of love, God’s love. Sure, you can get love from another person, but it is God’s love shining through them to you.
This past year I have had that happened to me. This time last year I was on the path to nowhere; I had bad grades, bad friends, and had made a lot of bad decisions. I’m a teenager, so I’m sure that you can figure out what those decisions were. Though, in the eighth grade, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, so He was still living in me, even if I wasn’t living for him. But nevertheless, I spent my entire sophomore year trying to push Him away, and I did a really good job of it. I blocked Him out to the point where I couldn’t hear Him anymore, and the decisions I made didn’t even bother me anymore. But last summer, when I was away from that all in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire, somehow God shone through to me, and that was the breaking point, and everything changed. I got rid of all those things in my life and started over. Completely over, and the friends that I had made were there to help me along the way, and they still are. Their love (God’s love) shone through to me, and it conquered all, it was unstoppable.
So here’s my closing; one, don’t be afraid to love someone, because chances are, they need some, and two, don’t be afraid to love someone back, because love is unstoppable.
Unstoppable, by Rascal Flatts
So, you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you've had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all
When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love, it can weather any storm,
Bring you back to being born, again
oh, it's a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim
When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there's no way out
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don't it feel good knowing
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable
One of the reasons I do like country music though is because of the lyrics. Most country stars actually write their own music, unlike most pop stars, it comes from the heart, something that we can all relate to, not any of this “I kissed a girl” crap. They’re stories, that make you play out the song in your head, relate to it. Think of Taylor Swift; I know for a fact there is a group on facebook called “There’s a Taylor Swift song for that…” a lot of teenage girls say that they can relate to her music, that’s because SHE writes her songs about things that happen to all of us, heartbreak, happiness, childbirth, marriage, love, everything.
Now, this isn’t a blog to defend country music and ask people to support it, no, as I said in the beginning, I’m not a obsessed country fan, I’m more of an alternative/indie type girl. No, this blog is about love.
That probably surprised you, not really the direction I started with. Here’s the “answer”. There’s a song by the band Rascal Flatts called Unstoppable, it’s about someone who has “walked the road a little sideways”, but they find love, and realize how it can fix anything, and I truly believe that. Though, there is only one kind of love, God’s love. Sure, you can get love from another person, but it is God’s love shining through them to you.
This past year I have had that happened to me. This time last year I was on the path to nowhere; I had bad grades, bad friends, and had made a lot of bad decisions. I’m a teenager, so I’m sure that you can figure out what those decisions were. Though, in the eighth grade, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, so He was still living in me, even if I wasn’t living for him. But nevertheless, I spent my entire sophomore year trying to push Him away, and I did a really good job of it. I blocked Him out to the point where I couldn’t hear Him anymore, and the decisions I made didn’t even bother me anymore. But last summer, when I was away from that all in the middle of nowhere New Hampshire, somehow God shone through to me, and that was the breaking point, and everything changed. I got rid of all those things in my life and started over. Completely over, and the friends that I had made were there to help me along the way, and they still are. Their love (God’s love) shone through to me, and it conquered all, it was unstoppable.
So here’s my closing; one, don’t be afraid to love someone, because chances are, they need some, and two, don’t be afraid to love someone back, because love is unstoppable.
Unstoppable, by Rascal Flatts
So, you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you've had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all
When the cold hard rain just won't quit
And you can't see your way out of it
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love, it can weather any storm,
Bring you back to being born, again
oh, it's a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim
When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there's no way out
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don't it feel good knowing
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sort of a "life update"
I have so much I want to write, but so little time, because I have to do my run soon.
I just started running last week because I finally got my PROM dress, and it's so beautiful, but if I don't keep in shape for the next two and a half weeks, I might not be able to fit into it. And because it is so "slimming" in a sense, I can't really have a bulge, or you will see it. This is my first (and probably only, since I'm homeschooled) prom that I will get to go to, but I am okay with that. My boyfriend is a senior, and it is going to be a really special night for the both of us. Sort of the last night that things will be the way they are right now, because that is never going to come back.
We were talking about that last night, how after he graduates, things are going to be so much different. He will be going off to camp, I wont be, which is the first hard obstacle. He's going to be there, and I will be here, and not even just for the summer, but he is going to be living there for the rest of the year/however long God wants to keep him there, and it's not that he is just my boyfriend, he is my best friend, so imagine having your best friend living three and a half hours away, with possibly no car, and not a lot of vacation. Of course it's not like I see alot of him right now, because I don't, but, while he is there, I probably will be seeing even less of him, as well as talk.
But that's not the only thing "freaking" me out. He is going to be in college, and I am still going to be in high school. MY senior year. Which, of course, I have been looking foward to for twelve years, but also, at the same time, I am very scared. I have to start applying to schools, then pick one, and get all of that stuff done. But before I even get to do that, I have to get my portfolio ready.
Because I want to be a photographer, all the art schools that I am applying to require you to submit a portfolio, and some of the more prestigious schools I would like to apply to, require some things in those portfolios that I don't know how to do. So over the summer I will have to work on/learn how to do those things, which is nerve-wracking because my future depends on weather I can get these things or not!
But through all of this somehow I am still hearing really great things from God, in really weird places and times though, which sometimes amuses me, but I think that is His point, that I shouldn't be stressed out, I should just be trusting Him and going with what He wants for me, so I guess we will have to see what that is!
I just started running last week because I finally got my PROM dress, and it's so beautiful, but if I don't keep in shape for the next two and a half weeks, I might not be able to fit into it. And because it is so "slimming" in a sense, I can't really have a bulge, or you will see it. This is my first (and probably only, since I'm homeschooled) prom that I will get to go to, but I am okay with that. My boyfriend is a senior, and it is going to be a really special night for the both of us. Sort of the last night that things will be the way they are right now, because that is never going to come back.
We were talking about that last night, how after he graduates, things are going to be so much different. He will be going off to camp, I wont be, which is the first hard obstacle. He's going to be there, and I will be here, and not even just for the summer, but he is going to be living there for the rest of the year/however long God wants to keep him there, and it's not that he is just my boyfriend, he is my best friend, so imagine having your best friend living three and a half hours away, with possibly no car, and not a lot of vacation. Of course it's not like I see alot of him right now, because I don't, but, while he is there, I probably will be seeing even less of him, as well as talk.
But that's not the only thing "freaking" me out. He is going to be in college, and I am still going to be in high school. MY senior year. Which, of course, I have been looking foward to for twelve years, but also, at the same time, I am very scared. I have to start applying to schools, then pick one, and get all of that stuff done. But before I even get to do that, I have to get my portfolio ready.
Because I want to be a photographer, all the art schools that I am applying to require you to submit a portfolio, and some of the more prestigious schools I would like to apply to, require some things in those portfolios that I don't know how to do. So over the summer I will have to work on/learn how to do those things, which is nerve-wracking because my future depends on weather I can get these things or not!
But through all of this somehow I am still hearing really great things from God, in really weird places and times though, which sometimes amuses me, but I think that is His point, that I shouldn't be stressed out, I should just be trusting Him and going with what He wants for me, so I guess we will have to see what that is!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Love never gives up, never loses faith
I haven’t posted in a little over a week now, even though I said that I was going to work on doing it more often, I also said that I was going to spend more time with the Lord, but am still working on that too. Yesterday I had something happen that helped me realize why He is so amazing, and why I need and want to spend more time with him.
My boyfriend came to visit on Wednesday, the first time that I had seen him since New Year’s Day. We had an amazing day; filled with a picnic, friends, and sunburns from laying out in the sun all day. I had been planning that day for about a month, and then all of a sudden it was over just like it had started. Thursday morning I was a wreck, he had been here for such a short time, and I didn’t know what to do now that it was over. So I did the thing that most seventeen year old girls did, I went to my room and cried. But after thinking for a while, I realized that crying never actually solves everything, but He does. So, I got off my bed, went and got my Bible, and talked to my “Dad” for a while. I just asked Him what to do, and how I was going to get through this. Because I knew there was a reason that he lived so far away, but I needed a little encouragement. This is what He showed me;
1 Corinthians 13:7
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I knew right away that everything was going to be okay. I got that feeling that He was with me, and in control.
I’m hoping that yesterday will start to sink into my head and I will be back to spending more time with my Heavenly Father, please pray for me, I think I’m going to need it.
This is such a short post for me, I’m not sure, but I have this feeling that the next one will be longer.
My boyfriend came to visit on Wednesday, the first time that I had seen him since New Year’s Day. We had an amazing day; filled with a picnic, friends, and sunburns from laying out in the sun all day. I had been planning that day for about a month, and then all of a sudden it was over just like it had started. Thursday morning I was a wreck, he had been here for such a short time, and I didn’t know what to do now that it was over. So I did the thing that most seventeen year old girls did, I went to my room and cried. But after thinking for a while, I realized that crying never actually solves everything, but He does. So, I got off my bed, went and got my Bible, and talked to my “Dad” for a while. I just asked Him what to do, and how I was going to get through this. Because I knew there was a reason that he lived so far away, but I needed a little encouragement. This is what He showed me;
1 Corinthians 13:7
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
I knew right away that everything was going to be okay. I got that feeling that He was with me, and in control.
I’m hoping that yesterday will start to sink into my head and I will be back to spending more time with my Heavenly Father, please pray for me, I think I’m going to need it.
This is such a short post for me, I’m not sure, but I have this feeling that the next one will be longer.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Do Over; Don'tcha want one?
Today is Easter, probably the most important day of the year for most believers.
There are so many things that it means to the world. The fact that Jesus came to save us; born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life, but then gave His life for everyone (yes, everyone), and then rose again to show that we would (and can if we take it) have eternal life.
That’s pretty cool to me honestly, and I can’t understand how anyone could not want to take that. It took me a while (about 14 years) to fully understand that this is what everyone needed before I would take it, and I still don’t even know why I didn’t want that. I will never understand. A lot of this “stuff” is what we talked about today in church, though there was something else, two words, my pastor kept saying over and over that really struck me.
Do Over.
That’s really what he gave us. He gave us a chance to have a “do over”. Whenever we need one; because, let’s face it; we need a lot of “do over’s” in life. That’s what I realized that I needed this morning, a do over.
I woke up this morning with a fire inside that I haven’t felt in a while, I didn’t know exactly why, and still don’t, but it felt really good. I got up at about seven (pretty early for a Sunday I guess), made my coffee, and went outside to do my devotions. When I went to go and write in my journal (which I usually do when I really want to have a big discussion with Him), I realized that I hadn’t written in it in about almost a whole month, and the whole last entry was about how I needed to spend more time with Him. Well, we can see THAT didn’t happen.
I don’t even know why, and it really upsets me. It upsets me even more that in my last blog (which was written over a month ago) I said that I would be writing more and more often than I already did, and THAT didn’t happen either. And while I took these long “breaks” from REALLY communicating with God, a lot of things happened in my life, and not great things at that. My cat died, my great grandma died, I didn’t get re-hired at camp for this summer, my basement flooded. Those are just a few things, and all along I did ask God what this was for, what he wanted me to see. Now it’s obvious that he wanted me to spend more time with Him. I was trusting Him, and still running to Him, but I wasn’t trying to keep our relationship a two way street, it was more like a one way because the other lane had an accident blocking traffic from flowing correctly.
So today I’m taking a do over. Because I know that he will give it to me, He doesn’t care what I’ve done, because it’s in the past. And the only thing that matters to him is the present, and that I do my best to shine for Him, and that’s what He needed me to see. I don’t have the greatest past, but He doesn’t care about that because I am forever changed. Today my boyfriend approached me about how he wants to write a book, a book on purity and love from a teen male’s perspective, and how he wants me to help him with it, and maybe even put some input into it. The topic of purity has always been a “pressure point” for me, so to speak, because I haven’t been one of the purist of Christians that you could meet. But that has changed, and I am working to make myself better in this area, and today in church I realized that was what I wanted my “do over” to be about. To do what He has commanded, but to also use my “experiences” to help other people, and that was what He had for me when I got home, a chance to help myself, and other people. A chance for a do over. A chance to show people that there is another way, a truth, a light. And he died for us so we can HAVE that way.
What did I tell you? Easter has a lot of meanings.
Happy Easter, he is risen.
There are so many things that it means to the world. The fact that Jesus came to save us; born of a virgin, and lived a sinless life, but then gave His life for everyone (yes, everyone), and then rose again to show that we would (and can if we take it) have eternal life.
That’s pretty cool to me honestly, and I can’t understand how anyone could not want to take that. It took me a while (about 14 years) to fully understand that this is what everyone needed before I would take it, and I still don’t even know why I didn’t want that. I will never understand. A lot of this “stuff” is what we talked about today in church, though there was something else, two words, my pastor kept saying over and over that really struck me.
Do Over.
That’s really what he gave us. He gave us a chance to have a “do over”. Whenever we need one; because, let’s face it; we need a lot of “do over’s” in life. That’s what I realized that I needed this morning, a do over.
I woke up this morning with a fire inside that I haven’t felt in a while, I didn’t know exactly why, and still don’t, but it felt really good. I got up at about seven (pretty early for a Sunday I guess), made my coffee, and went outside to do my devotions. When I went to go and write in my journal (which I usually do when I really want to have a big discussion with Him), I realized that I hadn’t written in it in about almost a whole month, and the whole last entry was about how I needed to spend more time with Him. Well, we can see THAT didn’t happen.
I don’t even know why, and it really upsets me. It upsets me even more that in my last blog (which was written over a month ago) I said that I would be writing more and more often than I already did, and THAT didn’t happen either. And while I took these long “breaks” from REALLY communicating with God, a lot of things happened in my life, and not great things at that. My cat died, my great grandma died, I didn’t get re-hired at camp for this summer, my basement flooded. Those are just a few things, and all along I did ask God what this was for, what he wanted me to see. Now it’s obvious that he wanted me to spend more time with Him. I was trusting Him, and still running to Him, but I wasn’t trying to keep our relationship a two way street, it was more like a one way because the other lane had an accident blocking traffic from flowing correctly.
So today I’m taking a do over. Because I know that he will give it to me, He doesn’t care what I’ve done, because it’s in the past. And the only thing that matters to him is the present, and that I do my best to shine for Him, and that’s what He needed me to see. I don’t have the greatest past, but He doesn’t care about that because I am forever changed. Today my boyfriend approached me about how he wants to write a book, a book on purity and love from a teen male’s perspective, and how he wants me to help him with it, and maybe even put some input into it. The topic of purity has always been a “pressure point” for me, so to speak, because I haven’t been one of the purist of Christians that you could meet. But that has changed, and I am working to make myself better in this area, and today in church I realized that was what I wanted my “do over” to be about. To do what He has commanded, but to also use my “experiences” to help other people, and that was what He had for me when I got home, a chance to help myself, and other people. A chance for a do over. A chance to show people that there is another way, a truth, a light. And he died for us so we can HAVE that way.
What did I tell you? Easter has a lot of meanings.
Happy Easter, he is risen.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Two Weeks; shall be interesting...
So today is the start of an interesting “journey” for me, so to speak.
Yesterday morning I woke up, thinking it would be a normal everyday Sunday, though it already wasn’t because my dad was working, therefore we weren’t going to church. I grabbed my cup of coffee like I do every morning, sat down on the couch, and began to watch the morning news with my mom, like I do almost every day, completely normal.
Though, this was not going to be a normal day. After about an hour of watching the news, I got up, to I think get my breakfast, though I’m not totally sure because I never ended up doing it. My mom came out of the dining room, which is where we keep all of our school stuff (my little sister and I are home schooled if you didn’t know), clutching my “planner” in her hand, and I knew I was in trouble.
The night before I went out to dinner with my best friend and her parents, but before I had left, my mom has asked me if all my “homework” was done, immediately I answered yes (because indeed I thought it was). So I went off with my friend and her family, and had a grand ol’ time, while my mom, at home, found that I had not, as I said that I had, finished all my school work.
If you know me, you know how far behind I am in school right now because; I started at a school this year, and then decided to return home, then had to repeat the whole first term anyway, and my books came about a month late. So yeah, I’m really REALLY far behind. And as I have written before, school is a big issue for me; I despise it, though I have never figured out why, because I do love to learn. My brain is a complicated subject matter, just ask my boyfriend.
So there my mother stood with my planner in her hand, and a look on her face I know all too well, though haven’t seen much of lately (thankfully, I have learned my lessons on a lot of things in the past year). She showed me all the work that I was supposed to have had done that I had not done, (it was a lot let me tell you. Can you say whoops?) and told me that I was to have it on her “desk” by Monday morning (today). It was about forty-five, give or take a few, pages of work, and not easy work at that. She continued to go on and tell me that I have no computer or phone privileges for two weeks (if you’re wondering how I am writing this, I do still have to do some school work on the computer), starting Monday.
After I pondered it during the day while I did my extensive amount of work, I found that I was troubled by my actions when she first gave me the verdict. The only thing that came out of my mouth was this “will I be able to use the house phone?”. I had no regards as to why I was really in trouble. Because yes, I was in “trouble” by my parents, but I am in TROUBLE right now, if I don’t get caught up, I might have to stay back a year. That would mean that I would be 19 years old at the start of my senior year. I do NOT want that to happen, I want to get out of here, and be who I am supposed to be. But the only thing that worried me was that I wouldn’t be able to talk to my boyfriend for two weeks. Is there something wrong with that? I wasn’t prioritizing correctly AT ALL. I always tell him that school always comes before me, or anything (except God), but I wasn’t willing to follow my own rule, why?
So I told him of the two week thing, and this is what he said “it’s okay, we’ll get through it, and we’ll be so much stronger in the end”. That’s it. No “man this is retarded!” or “I don’t know what I am going to do without you”. He knew this was what I needed to do; he accepted it, something that apparently, I wasn’t willing to do, for myself.
So I end by saying what I started with. Today is the start of an interesting “journey” for me. I am going to learn that you don’t need to completely fill your life with one person to the point where you can’t see what’s important anymore, and that one person shouldn’t be your whole identity. I will learn that I can survive without modern technology (maybe), and also that I can fend for myself. I don’t need people to “fix” every little single problem in my life, some things I need to do for myself. So this shall be interesting. I probably will write a couple of times during the two weeks, let people know how I am doing, let my thoughts out and see them for myself. So, pray for me that; I use this time wisely, I get things done, focus more on Him and learn to rely on Him instead of people, and learn to appreciate what I have and not take advantage of it.
Wish me luck!
Yesterday morning I woke up, thinking it would be a normal everyday Sunday, though it already wasn’t because my dad was working, therefore we weren’t going to church. I grabbed my cup of coffee like I do every morning, sat down on the couch, and began to watch the morning news with my mom, like I do almost every day, completely normal.
Though, this was not going to be a normal day. After about an hour of watching the news, I got up, to I think get my breakfast, though I’m not totally sure because I never ended up doing it. My mom came out of the dining room, which is where we keep all of our school stuff (my little sister and I are home schooled if you didn’t know), clutching my “planner” in her hand, and I knew I was in trouble.
The night before I went out to dinner with my best friend and her parents, but before I had left, my mom has asked me if all my “homework” was done, immediately I answered yes (because indeed I thought it was). So I went off with my friend and her family, and had a grand ol’ time, while my mom, at home, found that I had not, as I said that I had, finished all my school work.
If you know me, you know how far behind I am in school right now because; I started at a school this year, and then decided to return home, then had to repeat the whole first term anyway, and my books came about a month late. So yeah, I’m really REALLY far behind. And as I have written before, school is a big issue for me; I despise it, though I have never figured out why, because I do love to learn. My brain is a complicated subject matter, just ask my boyfriend.
So there my mother stood with my planner in her hand, and a look on her face I know all too well, though haven’t seen much of lately (thankfully, I have learned my lessons on a lot of things in the past year). She showed me all the work that I was supposed to have had done that I had not done, (it was a lot let me tell you. Can you say whoops?) and told me that I was to have it on her “desk” by Monday morning (today). It was about forty-five, give or take a few, pages of work, and not easy work at that. She continued to go on and tell me that I have no computer or phone privileges for two weeks (if you’re wondering how I am writing this, I do still have to do some school work on the computer), starting Monday.
After I pondered it during the day while I did my extensive amount of work, I found that I was troubled by my actions when she first gave me the verdict. The only thing that came out of my mouth was this “will I be able to use the house phone?”. I had no regards as to why I was really in trouble. Because yes, I was in “trouble” by my parents, but I am in TROUBLE right now, if I don’t get caught up, I might have to stay back a year. That would mean that I would be 19 years old at the start of my senior year. I do NOT want that to happen, I want to get out of here, and be who I am supposed to be. But the only thing that worried me was that I wouldn’t be able to talk to my boyfriend for two weeks. Is there something wrong with that? I wasn’t prioritizing correctly AT ALL. I always tell him that school always comes before me, or anything (except God), but I wasn’t willing to follow my own rule, why?
So I told him of the two week thing, and this is what he said “it’s okay, we’ll get through it, and we’ll be so much stronger in the end”. That’s it. No “man this is retarded!” or “I don’t know what I am going to do without you”. He knew this was what I needed to do; he accepted it, something that apparently, I wasn’t willing to do, for myself.
So I end by saying what I started with. Today is the start of an interesting “journey” for me. I am going to learn that you don’t need to completely fill your life with one person to the point where you can’t see what’s important anymore, and that one person shouldn’t be your whole identity. I will learn that I can survive without modern technology (maybe), and also that I can fend for myself. I don’t need people to “fix” every little single problem in my life, some things I need to do for myself. So this shall be interesting. I probably will write a couple of times during the two weeks, let people know how I am doing, let my thoughts out and see them for myself. So, pray for me that; I use this time wisely, I get things done, focus more on Him and learn to rely on Him instead of people, and learn to appreciate what I have and not take advantage of it.
Wish me luck!
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